Speechless...

I know what you're thinking: "How can a blog be called speechless but still contain words?" Well I'm afraid I have no answer.

I suppose the primary reason that I called it that is due to my inability to formulate a reason as to why I'm even on here right now, bothering to write a blog.

I'm lying on my bed and listening to the sound of an air conditioning unit on the other side of my door. My hands are sort of jittery, and I'm not sure why, and I am overwhelmed by a sense of fear that I can't even explain. Not only can I not explain it, I have no idea where it's coming from.

A fear of inadequacy and neglect, stemming from, as far as I can tell, nothing. Just sort of... there.

The more I think about things, I ponder to myself: if there was one thing I could fix what would it be? Would it be the feeling itself? or would I fix the fact that I have so much trouble coping with it? I know I'm better than this. But Lord knows I can't be convinced right now. I need some music.

I wish so badly I could write right now, but I'm kind of speechless. I guess I'll just play some melodies until it goes away. Until God readjusts my perspective. :)

-Ben