It's not that I'm a cynic and that I refuse to believe that these things are important or measurable. Of course they're important, of course we can measure them. However, there has been a subject that has come up lately that I have chimed in on - admittedly when I should have kept my mouth shut - that has caused far more grief than I intended it to: purity contracts.
See, Pastor Michael wants to do a sermon series on relationships (all relationships, not just opposite sex kind). The mention of purity contracts came up roughly immediately. See, I don't have any issue with purity contracts at their heart.
I understand that resolutions on paper represent something deep, and I understand that, at the heart, these are noble and beautiful commitments.
I feel that these contracts have been used in the past as propaganda and tools for fear and guilt. That people have signed them because they felt that, well, if they didn't, then they were sinners, unclean or condemned.
My fear was not that Michael would consider a purity contract, but that it would immediately be affiliated with what it has been identified as in the past. People would look at us as crazy people concerned only with whether students were having relations earlier than they should (this is NOT to say that that isn't an issue).
I began to wonder. Why don't we do salvation contracts? drug contracts? cursing contracts? anger contracts? Why don't we commit ourselves consistently and so honorably to things that infect our society just as deeply as premarital sex?
I decided that after a couple of instances where I was a Debbie Downer and, undoubtedly offended people, that I would seek a solution. Before I post said solution, I wanted to take a moment to write to the people that I may have offended either during this post or in past conversations:
Dear offended people (not patronizingly, sincerely),
I love you and I apologize for offending you. I respect the noble cause that you care for and I love your passion and desire to fight for something so Biblical and so just as physical purity. I apologize if what I said implied that you were wrong or that there was no point in what you wanted. I only feared that maybe we would cause people to feel that grace, redemption, or compassion took a side seat to this contract. That by signing a piece of paper they were therefore reserved and thusly purified. It's not that I don't want people to sign them or strive for purity, quite the contrary, I just wanted to find a way to do it that would be greater than just "sign this because it's right", as the idea is often misunderstood. I do sincerely apologize for having made you feel the way that I'm sure I made you feel. I'm not a jerk and I'm not heartless and I do love people. Sometimes I just don't put forth the effort you deserve into thinking about the things I say. I hope that you can forgive me and that we can unite our beliefs to accomplish the same end, and more.
Sincerely,
Ben
Anyway, back to my idea... As I considered it this is the idea that I came up with - something similar to a purity contract, but then a little bit more: A Relationship Contract (the name might need some work...). Something that the individual signs for several things - a list of things.
Signed to signify a commitment to live your relationships, all relationships (especially with the opposite sex) with: holiness, Christlikeness, love, compassion, grace, patience, understanding, wisdom, clean speech, clean habits, free of alcohol and drug abuse, prejudices, hatred and ungodly temperament, leadership, maturity and servanthood... and especially with purity.
In short: a contract to serve Christ in our relationships with purity and more than just purity. Maybe it's a little much and maybe I'm stretching too far and making a big stupid deal out of nothing. But I'm tired of us beating people over the head with one REALLY important thing they don't do instead of encouraging them to do the one REALLY important thing they're supposed to: live Christlike
