I've found myself obsessed with a particular artist lately. More precisely, a particular song by a particular artist. The name of the song is Invictus.
Invictus isn't a real word technically. It does have a few historical uses though.
The first being a name of a Sun god to certain Roman societies. That fact is completely irrelevant.
The real reason that the artist named the song Invictus is in reference to a poem by William Earnest Henley in the 1800s. Henley had been forced the idea of Christianity since a young age and over time became fed up with it. He wrote the poem invictus to state that "my fate is my own".
This song Invictus is intended to contrast the idea. The author pursuing the idea that fate is not his own, no matter what feelings of hatred or hurt he may house deep within the bowls of his artistic existence.
The author long before writing this song was the lead singer of a successful Christian band. A band that could have been overwhelmingly successful had they ridden the explosive wave of Christian-ska music around 2000-2002; they never grew as large as their fellow-genre members because they refused to do what they called "sell out". "Selling out" in their terms simply meant refusing to play secular shows. The members reportedly saying "If we had stopped doing secular shows it would still be music, sure... but it wouldn't be ministry. And it certainly wouldn't be our calling".
Cursed to walk the line between a Christian fad and a secular phenomenon, Five Iron Frenzy would rise to its peak and ultimately die away with one of the greatest cult-followings in recent music.
During the time of the lead singer's career with FIF, he experienced all kinds of death and despair. His fiance abruptly ended their long relationship. Shortly thereafter, his best friend passed away. Through numerous deaths and falling-outs, the lead singer brought himself to say "It seems as though everything I touch dies".
Facing the pain and the burden of what he assumed was due to his dedication to ministry, the lead singer, Reese Roper, forced himself to continue singing and writing music "if only to show the world that God can still exist within pain."
So here I sit. Tears filling my eyes for the what seems the millionth time in less than a week, seeking words to express the many lessons taught with such a compacted testimony and a 4 minute song.
I have found excuse after excuse to create myself a pity party. Forgetting the purpose of my ministry and here was a man who lost and, in some instances, gave, everything only to show people that God was bigger than his sufferings. How far I have fallen from the ideology of Christlikeness. Surpassed by the lead singer of a Pentecostal Ska band who acted, as some people would say, more goofy than spiritual 90% of the time.
A line in the song stands out to me more so than any of the others.
"Hope unstoppable
Sing the morning song
Wake up O' sleeper
The daylight has come."
How obvious his point. In all the things that we are and that we possess, we are fallible. Weak. Breakable. Finite. But one thing that we may possess, when truly rooted as it should be - in God - it is unbreakable... infinite... Unstoppable... It is hope.
This song made me realize that in this world of competition and constant one-upping, we seek to be unbreakable. the best. the most well accomplished and put together. But we can't be those things... Because we are subject to our very nature which is the antonym of all of them... The beauty of hope is in the recognition that God is already those things for us.
Perhaps we are caught up in our pride and our hurt. Perhaps we refuse to except that Jesus could exist within our pain and the only reason we even repeat the same hymns and mantras to ourselves is so that everybody knows that we are vigilant and dedicated in spite of our ordeal, when in reality we curse the God whom we had previously so loved. Perhaps we're scared to go back to the way things were... But God is calling to the sleeper within us, shouting to us: "Wake up! I'm here... When all the world came crashing down and everyone left you alone - I didn't! I mourned with you... I felt the hurt with you..." Perhaps that is what we need to realize.
I have forsaken my responsibilities as a worship leader. As a child of Christ. I have lead a life of pompous knowitallism and self-recognition. Riding the coat tails of my talent to the altar of worship, carrying my burdens along for all to see the pain which I've so "righteously" endured.
God has change that. This song has helped. I've changed my perspective. I've apologized to my band. And, with God's help, I plan to revolutionize the way worship is done. I hope you're ready.
I could do a video of myself singing the song. I thought about it once or twice. But I want you to be able to close your eyes and feel the weight of the words that come from the rawness in Reese Roper's voice. This is a song done by his side project Brave Saint Saturn several years after his former band broke up.
